Turn Your Life Around With Pattern Recognition
Posted on 29 August 2017
One of the quickest ways to turn your life around is with pattern recognition.
It's my experience that the average person doesn't make 100 major mistakes in life. Instead, we tend to make the same 1 or 2 key mistakes, 100 different times.
The majority of people have blind-spots that make it difficult to see where -- and WHY -- we continually fall into our problems. On top of that, we're creatures of habit, and in this instance, that doesn't help either.
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We have a tendency to run patterns, and most of the problems in our lives stem from the same patterns, but merely applied to a new set of operative facts, circumstances, places, or people.
To turn your life around and create the types of outcomes you want, it's crucial that you become adept at spotting the recurring troubles in your life, and then to break that pattern.
In fact, this is a fair way to describe much of my private 1-on-1 work with my mentoring clients, and what I do for them. I'm regularly told that I have a gift for "connecting the dots" in people's lives, and "seeing things that other people don't see."
Unfortunately most people see no pattern in their lives at all. They always see drama, or things that don’t work, and they don’t realize that there’s some operative, deep core issue going on ... one that sets in motion all the different problems and challenges they have.
Here are a few extremely common examples of recurring mistakes, blind-spots, or patterns I see weekly:
People come and tell me 5 different reasons why relationship A, B, C, D, and E each failed. Sure, each one has their own story, one was from your late teenage years, one was in your early 30's. Look, I get it. But leave it to me -- more often than not, I'm able to detect the pattern.
Oftentimes it's just really one key challenge, namely -- that my client is vulnerable to dating or marrying all kinds of questionable people, simply because they are forever in search of / craving the love that they never received in their childhood.
As such, every relationship mistake they make into the future is an outgrowth of their seeking the love and affirmation they never received.
Yes, each 'bad' man or woman did technically wrong you, but when they first came into your life, their flaws were 'masked' by the fact that they willingly doled out to you the love that you so craved.
The role of a high-level mentor or coach is to see what's failing in your life, and then to help you see it as well. And especially when it comes to dating and relationships, this is the only way to break the pattern whereby the 'new person' is merely a substitute for the old one.
Here's another common recurring pattern:
Some people only see with their eyes -- never with their heart, and never with their minds. And that is the core issue that is causing them to run the pattern whereby they spontaneously buy a beautiful home that they can’t afford. Or they end up in a relationship with someone who is very attractive but ultimately inside is not a beautiful person. And many other things like that.
Almost every day, I receive messages from people who feel like they're victims, and would swear that everyone around them treats them poorly.
But when I study their lives closely, I've found that oftentimes, they themselves are enormously aggressive, socially damaging, and out there hurting people. And so what is really going on here? When people don’t respond well to their behavior, they raise their hands in the air and say, “Hey – people are hurting me so much! They're so mean to me! I just have no luck. I'm probably cursed..."
Um, no... You, my friend, are creating your own chaos.
Do you know anyone who is always too trusting? I do. For some people, being too trusting is their key mistake pattern. And if you look at their lives, their chaos can often be explained by identifying this recurring pattern. Yes, mistake after mistake over 20 years -- they almost all came from being way too trusting of others.
Oh -- you agreed to start a business with your friend, but you didn't have a contract in place? Why? You were too trusting. You agreed to marry that fella, and you didn’t know him that well, and he told you certain things you never bothered to verify? Don't you see it? Almost all of your frustrations in life come from the fact that you're too trusting.
There's an old joke whereby a guy says, "Oh, I'm the thorough type. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it at least 5 or 6 times..."
Yes, I get the 'joke,' but in truth, it's really not that funny at all. Almost everyone does this at one time or another, and the joke is always on us.
There's an old adage -- "wherever you go, there you are."
From the person you didn't develop into, or that you failed to become, this will revisit you in your life -- and bring you tests, struggles, challenge, and pain.
It's also vital that you become open to receiving help from someone else in identifying the recurring patterns and themes in your own life.
Even if you're pretty adept at giving advice to others who are 'stuck,' your own patterns will probably remain concealed from you.
As it says in the writings of the ancient Talmud, "A captive cannot release himself from prison." In other words, virtually everyone needs some help from the outside.
I urge you to go and get it.
Shlomo Zalman Bregman is the most followed and influential young Rabbi in the world. Often referred to be the media as the "Jewish Tony Robbins," he is an internationally recognized Torah scholar, #1 best-selling author, matchmaker, entrepreneur, attorney, and media personality.